{"id":50,"date":"2023-11-05T00:01:00","date_gmt":"2023-11-05T00:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/spamrider.net\/blog\/?p=50"},"modified":"2023-11-23T17:09:57","modified_gmt":"2023-11-23T17:09:57","slug":"back-from-the-future","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/2023\/11\/05\/back-from-the-future\/","title":{"rendered":"Back From The Future"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

So I just got back from The Future last week.  If you thought regular<\/em> jetlag was bad, let me tell you you haven\u2019t seen nothing. I just slept for 72 hours straight and my duodenum is STILL moaning the blues!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though I had a great time and met a lot of really wonderful people in The Future, it\u2019s still good to be back home in my own timeframe again. Temporal Separation does strange things to your equilibrium. I was getting sick of fading in and out of existence. It gave me gas something terrible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the Present timeframe I was only away for two days.  But in The Future timeframe and in my own subjective experience I was gone for four months. I aged four whole months while my friends back now only aged two days.  I hardly even know them anymore. Also, while I was away, most of the hair that I still have left turned white. But since it was only my pubic hair nobody hardly even notices. But they do notice the strange penis-like appendage dangling from my forehead. It\u2019s called a \u201cFerndoggler\u201d if you must know, and is, in fact, an alien-lifeform in its pupal stage.  My understanding is that it will eventually just sort of fall off after it is full grown. Sometimes people make fun of my Ferndoggler, but they\u2019ll be sorry later because what they don\u2019t know is that it\u2019s keeping a list. I made fun of a guy\u2019s Ferndoggler one time and you can see what happened to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My best friend from The Future, Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible, is supposed to be paying me a visit sometime soon, just as soon as he gets out of Time Quarantine. I can\u2019t wait to hang with him again and to show him all the best that earth\u2019s Past has to offer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, disguising him is going to be difficult with all those slimy turkas of his dangling all over the place.  But we\u2019ll manage somehow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, it continues to be an odd experience for me adjusting to The Present again. I can\u2019t believe it\u2019s back to wiping my own<\/em> ass with toilet paper<\/em>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I\u2019ll manage somehow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s where I would normally wrap things up with some sort of poignant and insightful commentary, or even more likely just say something smartass or stupid, but since I\u2019m dreadfully exhausted and have a seven-inch penis dangling in front of my eyes perhaps just this once you will understand and pardon me for merely ending this posting rather abruptly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I just got back from The Future last week.  If you thought regular jetlag was bad, let me tell you you haven\u2019t seen nothing. I just slept for 72 hours straight and my duodenum is STILL moaning the blues! Though I had a great time and met a lot of really wonderful people in The…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-50","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":51,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50\/revisions\/51"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}