Dear Bob,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you have received this message then that means something seriously fucked up has happened. Again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In anticipation of this possibility I rigged up a mechanical quantum reality coherence infundibulator to funnel (aka synchro-cast) this message canister into your wife\u2019s underwear drawer in the event of another timeline breach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If there has indeed been a timeline breach, and you are indeed reading this right now, right now being whenever and wherever you happen to be as you are reading this, then there is a very real chance that I am no longer present in your present reality timeline. Or if I am, that the person you are seeing is no longer me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not the me you know\/knew anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Which is the me writing this letter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t ask me to explain it all\u2014it\u2019s complicated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just know that you\u2019re going to have to be the man of the house now, Bob.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You\u2019re going to have to watch over all these poor, pathetic, hapless, misguided, misled and tortured souls who don\u2019t even know up from down or left from right or right from wrong anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s all on you now, Bob.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To aid and guide you in your noble endeavors I am providing you with both the literary ability to travel though time (the funny thing is it turns out you could have been doing it all along), as well as all rights short of making money off him without giving any of it to me to that coveted and copyrighted character, \u201cSchmelnoz the Incomprehensible\u201d. If THAT guy can\u2019t inspire you and get you out of writer\u2019s block jams then you have no business calling yourself a writer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also, I would ditch that Steve character if I were you. You\u2019ve done him long enough, it\u2019s time to get some new material. Also, you\u2019ve been writing Chick Shit for Chicks for like 20+ years now. Sometimes I think you\u2019re just rehashing old material because you know nobody can remember anything anymore anyway. Hell, I wouldn\u2019t even be surprised if you were writing my<\/em> column this whole time and are also writing this letter. That\u2019s how devious you are, you son of a bitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But if not, and I am the one writing this letter and I am indeed real, or used to be real in any event, then please, by all means, carry on. Almost Certainly Sincerely, P.S. If you have received this message that means I am now everywhere and always (not to mention nowhere and never, but that\u2019s neither here nor there). I will attempt further communications but depending where and when they are coming from they may not make any sense in your present timeframe. Not that any of it ever did anyway.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear Bob, If you have received this message then that means something seriously fucked up has happened. Again. In anticipation of this possibility I rigged up a mechanical quantum reality coherence infundibulator to funnel (aka synchro-cast) this message canister into your wife\u2019s underwear drawer in the event of another timeline breach. If there has indeed…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-928","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/928","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=928"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/928\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":937,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/928\/revisions\/937"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=928"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=928"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.spamrider.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=928"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Spamrider of the Apocalypse
<\/p>\n\n\n\n