So here’s the deal. It’s apparently all out there anyway so I may as well come clean.
Yes, I am a time traveler. And I may or may not vaguely remember something about having a hitherto secret alien friend named Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible.
But before now I never would have been stupid enough to write about any of that on the internet, even though I can tell at least half of what he told you was lies.
Back in my timeline I wrote twisted and demented short stories under the pseudonym “Dean Byron”. Nobody paid me for writing them, I just wrote them for the fuck of it. My Weird Crap column was all about man shit. It was called Man Shit for Manly Men. There’s no way in hell I’d have been dumb enough to announce to the world that I was The Spamrider of the Apocalypse.
But again, here we are.
It had to be a timeline breach. That’s the only explanation. But the residual crossover effects are the part that doesn’t make any sense. If there was a timeline breach then everything should have snapped back into its old or new timeplace and all the old or new timespace barriers should have solidified again. So that doesn’t explain me being here but still remembering there. Or the difference between my columns. Or Sonny and Cher. Or anything, really.
What did that bonehead alternate-universe me do to cause a fucking timeline breach??
Bob only knows.