I ran into Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible this week! I was drinking a Bloody Mary at a local bar when suddenly I heard this commotion. When I saw who was at the center of it I literally couldn’t believe my eyes. Schmelnoz had gotten drunk and was attempting to impregnate three humans at once, much to the chagrin…
So Patience is a Virtue
I just found out today that in this Timeline “Patience is a virtue” is actually a quite common expression. And I do have to say I think it’s a good one. In my timeline the expression used to be “Humility is a virtue.” Which I also thought was a good one. But you’ve got to…
Charlton Heston
I was just looking up “Soylent Green” to see if it had been invented yet and I found out that in this timeline they actually made a movie out of it starring Charlton Heston. Now if that doesn’t just beat all. No matter how much I think I may have gotten used to this time/space…
The Future of Meat
In the future of the timeline I remember meat was a rare commodity. Most of what you got was Meat Substitute, which was this artificial meat grown in mass quantities inside giant cow, pig, or chicken-shaped molds. It varied in quality, and sometimes it actually wasn’t bad. But it ain’t meat. I’m not saying the Future I…
Kurt Russell
I watched John Carpenter’s The Thing tonight. I’ve seen it before, or at least I think I have. Great movie by the way. But that’s not why I watched it. I thought maybe seeing Kurt Russell might jar up some old memories of the things I apparently have written about here then subsequently forgotten. Nothing….
Well Done!
Well done, alternate-timeline America! You’ve really gone and stepped in it this time. I really hope you’re proud of yourself. In fact, I know you are. We’ll just see how long that feeling lasts I guess. Bravo!
Musings on the Eve of Destruction
You’re probably expecting me to say something about the election. It is the orange elephant in the room after all. In my old timeline we were facing the same horror shitshow. But come calamity or calm waters I figure the point is moot anyway because America has obviously lost its way somewhere along the line…
Bob Only Knows
So here’s the deal. It’s apparently all out there anyway so I may as well come clean. Yes, I am a time traveler. And I may or may not vaguely remember something about having a hitherto secret alien friend named Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible. But before now I never would have been stupid enough to write…
Now Wait Just A Minute Here!
Something is definitely not right. I’ve felt it for days now, but today I am sure. I just found out that fucking Cher is still alive! Which needless to say I found quite confusing. Because in the world I remember Cher died in a tragic skiing accident sometime back in the late 1990s. Before that…
What Phase Is This I Am In Again???
I have been phasing in and out of timEsynch like you wouldn’t believe. I’m having a rare lucid moment right now so I figured I’d better post something real quick while I still can. I have no idea where it is I am going or if or when I’ll be back or if I’ll even…