Category: Blog

There are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half full. And there are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half empty. Personally, I’ve always figured it depends on whether you’re busy filling it up or drinking out of it.

Or whatever you personally may call it. Sometimes I hear people say that all the problems in this world stem from overpopulation. But I take issue with this. The problem in and of itself isn’t so much the size of the population. The problem is more the quality of the population. If we all just…

A lot of people have been writing in asking me about how it was that I ever decided to become a time traveller in the first place. Actually nobody has ever written in or asked me about anything but I just thought I’d start out by saying something stupid like that since Bob seems to…

So I’m visiting this guy the other day, and he says to me, “Me casa es su casa!” “Awesome!” I said. “I’ll bet I can get $250 grand for this place!” This seemed to annoy him, so I added, “What? I’ll split it with you…” Now I’m not allowed in my casa ever again.

(This Spamrider of the Apocalypse entry arrived in my clothes hamper dated May 31, 2047.  -Bob) …That it actually burns you alive if you step out of your cave. I am actually writing this post to you from The Future. And let me tell you, it ain’t pretty kids. You people should be ashamed of…

[Writer’s Note: Since my original column this week seems to have gotten pre-empted by another one which I had written earlier (well…actually…later) suddenly arriving from The Future, I am going to go ahead and post two of these this week even though I really only ever planned on doing that whenever the first entry was…

(This Spamrider of the Apocalypse entry recently mysteriously arrived in my toilet dated August 8, 2047. -Bob) I’ve decided to return to The Past (formerly and soon again to be The Present) at the next available opportunity.  I must admit that I previously thought living during the aftermath of a Donald Trump presidency was bad.  That…

“Everything that is incomprehensible does not cease to exist.” -Blaise Pascal, Pensées My friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible is so cool that I thought I’d just dedicate an entire entry to him. Schmelnoz hails from a planet somewhere in the Near Future, which is sort of like the Bronx of The Future, and which, quite astonishingly,…

As the Spamrider of the Apocalypse I know that you all are just dying for me to start talking about everything going on in the Middle East right now, as if any of that bellicose balderdash and ballyhoo somehow has anything to do with me or my message to all of you.  In response I…

So Monday I called Bob up and asked him when I was going to actually get paid for writing this column. “You don’t get paid,” he said.  “We don’t pay any of our writers.” “You mean to tell me I’ve been doing this column now for the better part of 20 years and I don’t…