“I found myself involved in so many doubts and errors, that I was convinced I had advanced no farther in all my attempts at learning, than the discovery at every turn of my own ignorance.” -René Descartes, Discourse on the Method That right there is more than most people ever learn.
Aliens
Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible at first could be described as bemused whenever he found out that us earthlings still refer to beings from other planets and star-systems as “aliens”. But when I told him that we also refer to our own kind from other countries as “aliens” his bemusement turned into shock and disgust. It isn’t…
The Icing On The Cake
I was just reading a news article where they used the expression “it’s like the icing on the cake”. Which got me to thinking. Who the hell eats cake with no icing??? The expression “the icing on the cake” as far as I know means something extra and unexpected in addition to something else which…
I Probably Shouldn’t Even Be Telling You This
But since it’s a scientifically proven fact that 99.44% of the time no matter what you say or do you cannot create a time paradox situation whereby you change the Past or the Future which you may or may not have previously inhabited*, here goes… THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS GOING TO BE YOU KNOW…
A Little Future History
That was the year the fascists suddenly won elections all over the earth. When the liberals and moderates complained that the whole thing looked pretty fishy and needed to be investigated the fascists simply brushed them aside, reminding them about how they themselves had reacted with scorn and derision to the fascists’ own prior claims…
The Cosmic Chili, Beer & Weed Fest
The Cosmic Chili, Beer & Weed Fest is a celebration that is/was/will be held upon several select and unforgettable occasions and occurs/occurred/will occur at various locations throughout the entirety of traversable time and space. It’s essentially a reoccurring and never-ending party, but a reoccurring and never-ending party that is organized and thrown by Time Travellers,…
How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere at All?
“Time is what you read off a clock.” -Albert Einstein The thing most people don’t understand about Time Travel is that you’re also travelling through space. They picture you jumping—let’s say 20 years into The Future—and somehow just appearing in the same spot where you were originally standing. Except it’s not the same spot. Because…
Ask The Spamrider
In retaliation for my little funny Bob has been hounding me to do a question-and-answer edition of my column in order to recognize and show appreciation for some of the so-called “fan mail” he claims to have been receiving in my stead. And so, without further ado I present… Ask The Spamrider Dear Spamrider, What…
Me Too!!!
After reading Melissa Paternik’s latest “Chick Shit” column I feel like I need to come clean about something. Bob Semitram and I have also been lovers for decades and I have personally borne seventeen of his time babies. Shocking, I know. What you probably don’t know is that Bob wasn’t just making shit up that…
Reality or Delusion?
I was drinking rum and Djarjar juice with Schmelnoz in the 17th dimension the other night—actually it was technically the 175/8ths dimension, but let’s not split hairs—and he said something that I’ve been thinking about ever since. He said it is well known among most interplanetary species that Earthlings (we may not capitalize it here…