Spamrider of the Apocalypse

As I write this I am currently sitting in a hotel room in Big Lake, Texas. Never mind what year it is. The name of the hotel is “The Derrick Inn”. I call it “The Derelict Inn”. It isn’t a bad hotel, really. It just has the misfortune of being located in a town that…

(This Spamrider of the Apocalypse entry arrived in my refrigerator underneath the pickles dated July 17, 2047. -Bob) Having had some more opportunity to read through this website I can see now that me sending these messages back from The Future has already gotten this blog all out of whack and that some things just aren’t ever…

Howdy from Texas everybody! Wow…everything really IS bigger in Texas! Even my wiener!!!!!!!

A little kid came up to me today and asked me why Santa Claus always brings the rich kids nicer presents at Christmas than the poor kids. I just told her the truth that it’s because Santa Claus is a Republican. In The Future the Christmas shopping season begins the day after New Year’s. The…

There are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half full. And there are some people who always automatically choose to see the glass as half empty. Personally, I’ve always figured it depends on whether you’re busy filling it up or drinking out of it.

Or whatever you personally may call it. Sometimes I hear people say that all the problems in this world stem from overpopulation. But I take issue with this. The problem in and of itself isn’t so much the size of the population. The problem is more the quality of the population. If we all just…

A lot of people have been writing in asking me about how it was that I ever decided to become a time traveller in the first place. Actually nobody has ever written in or asked me about anything but I just thought I’d start out by saying something stupid like that since Bob seems to…

So I’m visiting this guy the other day, and he says to me, “Me casa es su casa!” “Awesome!” I said. “I’ll bet I can get $250 grand for this place!” This seemed to annoy him, so I added, “What? I’ll split it with you…” Now I’m not allowed in my casa ever again.

(This Spamrider of the Apocalypse entry arrived in my clothes hamper dated May 31, 2047.  -Bob) …That it actually burns you alive if you step out of your cave. I am actually writing this post to you from The Future. And let me tell you, it ain’t pretty kids. You people should be ashamed of…

[Writer’s Note: Since my original column this week seems to have gotten pre-empted by another one which I had written earlier (well…actually…later) suddenly arriving from The Future, I am going to go ahead and post two of these this week even though I really only ever planned on doing that whenever the first entry was…