There are three things I can think of of which there are no degrees.

1.) Originality

2.) Perfection

3.) Infinity

1.) Originality

I have a friend who says it makes him crazy when people refer to things as being “very original,” or “the most original”.

And he’s right.

He is crazy.

2.) Perfection

Even though people might occasionally refer to one specimen as being “more perfect” than another, what they are really saying is that it is *closer to* perfection.

They say nobody’s perfect. And they’re right. Because every time somebody is they kill them.

3.) Infinity

So I once had this Polish algebra teacher who tried to tell us that the subset of all integers is greater than the subset of even integers.

I really don’t know why I felt the need to mention that he was Polish. It’s not like I’m looking to use this column to perpetuate any negative stereotypes or anything like that. So forget I even mentioned it. In fact, he wasn’t Polish at all.

So I once had this Irish algebra teacher who tried to tell us that the subset of all integers was greater than the subset of even integers.

This fact may seem readily apparent to the finite and uncomprehending minds of most mathematicians, but it shows a complete lack of understanding as to the true nature of infinity.

Because infinity is different than the way most people normally think about things.

You can take away from infinity again and again and yet it is never diminished.

In fact, you can divide infinity almost infinitely*, and yet each part remains an infinity unto itself.

So dividing an infinity in two by taking out every other number has absolutely no reducing effect whatsoever upon the whole. You’re still dealing with an infinity. In short, you’re still going to be counting forever.

*The idea of something being “almost infinite” is of course every bit as asinine as my algebra teacher. But I use the phrase here as meaning any number short of infinity itself (which actually isn’t even a number).

Also because saying you can divide infinity infinitely would be the same as saying infinity divided by infinity.

And that’s not good.

That’s not good at all.

**TODAY’S LESSON HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER “J“ AND THE NUMBER 42.**