5/23/24
Dear Diary,
I don’t know what that life-support system of mine has been putting into itself lately, but judging by my breath the past two days I can only assume the worst. At this rate the damn thing’s going to get colon cancer by the time we’re 40, and then we’ll both be in trouble.
But today I enacted a little revenge.
I waited until it was on a big date with a female life-support system, and at an opportune moment I exhaled a fiery blast of noxious hellfire that I had been especially saving up for just such an occasion. The stupid thing didn’t know what hit it. I only wish I could have seen the look on its face as it drove us home alone. Of course this hurts our chances for reproduction but it was well worth the risk. I had to teach that thing a lesson.
Sometimes it’s not easy being an asshole.