Category: Blog

Well, it’s that time of year again when most people set their clocks ahead an hour and, as my friend Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible once put it, start pretending that it’s really one hour later than it actually is. Personally I agree with Schmelnoz and think this Daylight Saving stuff is all pretty asinine. But, living…

They just wisp away.

Schmelnoz says the cost of free will is bearing the weight of the world upon your shoulders. I asked him if he believes in free will. He said that only those who do not already know The Future believe in free will. Then he farted and we drank together in wry merriment.

“It is a mathematical fact that the casting of this pebble from my hand alters the centre of gravity of the universe.” -Thomas Carlyle While technically true, what old Tomboy fails to mention is that at the same time he’s tossing off his little pebbles, there are untold and mindboggling numbers of other events taking…

In The Future it will begin to occur to some people that one of the major reasons we have so many problems in the world today is that instead of seeing science as a means of obtaining pure knowledge and enlightenment with which we might better ourselves as a race, we look upon it as something to…

Speaking of timekeeping, Schmelnoz once told me about this race of giants called the Illiputi who do not keep track of time simply because they do not believe in it. According to the Illiputian way of thinking, every day is actually the same day. The only reason it seems otherwise is that some douchebag keeps…

According to my alien friend from The Future Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible the only reason that primitive races like humans even believe in and attempt to keep track of something so abstract as Time in the first place is because in our early development conceiving of such a concept became a necessity just so we could…

[Note: The following entry was written by Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible, my alien friend from The Future.  -Spamrider] Greetings Earthlings. I am the quasi-sentient life-form known colloquially as “Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible”.  But I conceive that if the Spamrider has properly primed your reality contextual realms the way I have instructed him to then you have ultimately…

So despite all the grisly and gruesome details I have thus far disclosed concerning The Future, it turns out that the most fierce and vicious response I have received thus far has come from a certain dog owner whose name I won’t mention (Larry) who has expressed both shock and dismay at my earlier revelation that…

Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible says the darndest things sometimes. Recently (which remember is now eighteen years ago) we were watching some birds and he said, “When the animals finally go to war against man, the birds will be quite formidable opponents.” Noting my incredulous look he explained, “For one thing, their surveillance powers are beyond question. …