Spamrider of the Apocalypse

As near as I can tell the world is just a big mystery that mankind will forever be trying to solve.  Or more likely, will kill ourselves trying to solve. We unearth the relics of ancient civilizations because we want to understand our past. To the stars we look for our future. And meanwhile we…

It just doesn’t matter today.

My friend John the Revelator has this saying: The reward of patience is patience. Quite profound, no? As far as I know he probably got it from a fortune cookie. He doesn’t know that I’m The Spamrider of the Apocalypse. But I think he suspects. I had a fortune one time that said, “About time…

In The Future it is illegal to pee your pants. Apparently after they made it illegal to speak out or otherwise demonstrate against The Establishment people started peeing their pants as a form of protest. So they made that illegal too.  In The Future the prisons are full of babies and incontinent old farts.

The Future is one scary fucking place. You shouldn’t even need me to tell you that.  Just take a good look around at everything that is going on here and now right there in front of you in The Present and then carry it all out to its logical conclusion. Pretty frightening, huh? In fact, it’s…

Schmelnoz said something to me once that I didn’t really understand but I nonetheless found very intriguing. He said that humans are the only known species in the universe who relentlessly pursue amnesia. He also said some other things too but I’ve mostly managed to forget them all.

There are a lot of people running around talking about God’s Wrath and The End of the World and shit like that.  Which is fine if that’s how they want to look at it I guess, but personally I don’t see the point in pinning the blame for anything that’s going on God. Now granted,…

There are three things I can think of of which there are no degrees. 1.) Originality2.) Perfection3.) Infinity 1.) Originality I have a friend who says it makes him crazy when people refer to things as being “very original,” or “the most original”. And he’s right. He is crazy. 2.) Perfection Even though people might…

The shortest unit of time recognized by The Interuniversal Transdimensional Time Travel Council of Geneva, Wisconsin (or ITTTC) is the Planckojiffy*. And the reason that the Planckojiffy is the shortest recognized unit of time is because the Planckojiffy just so also happens to be the shortest unit of time that can ever possibly be measured….

Schmelnoz once told me that the remarkable thing about human beings is that despite all our (extremely) obvious shortcomings each of us actually has a little genius inside of us. (If you don’t know who I’m talking about when I say “Schmelnoz” without my explaining it to you by now then you need to go…