So Bob has been wanting me to do another edition of Ask The Spamrider, the column where I answered letters from my so-called “fans”. And God knows what Bob wants Bob gets. Bob has this annoying way of relentlessly needling you, like a ravenous and bloodthirsty little mosquito you never can quite seem to swat. At least he promised there would be no Doctor Who questions this time, so I guess at least that’s something.
And so again, without further ado I present…
Ask The Spamrider, Vol. 2
Dear Spamrider,
So as a time traveler didn’t you see this whole train wreck that is our future coming, and if so, then why haven’t you bugged out for better times?
-Randy from Tulsa
Dear Randy from Tulsa,
First off, you just inspired this week’s Song in Bob’s Head. And second off, of course I did. I’ve read the Future History books you know. Or at least skimmed the Cliff Notes. But even knowing what I know, this is my Base Time and I gotta stick with it, come what may. A Time Traveller’s Base Time is that time period in which they would have been living had they not become a Time Traveller. It is very important for a Time Traveller to maintain their Base Time, because if you don’t then your mind can become untethered, floating about Time as it were, drifting aimlessly here and there throughout the aeons. I’ve seen it happen to a lot of good Time Travellers. Ok not a lot. But this one guy anyway. And also his girlfriend. Sort of.
Anyway, it’s a long story, and I’m getting bored of answering this question.
-Spamrider
Dear Spamrider,
Please describe the physical process of traveling through time in terms that the laymen among us might understand.
-Lawrence of Suburbia
Dear Lawrence of Suburbia,
As the phrase “jumping” implies, time travel is a lot like jumping. Only without using your legs.
-Spamrider
Dear Spamrider,
Tell us something scary about the future.
-Suzanna from Havana
Dear Suzanna from Havana,
In The Future every single living human being is descended from Elon Musk.
-Spamrider
Dear Spamrider,
You really need to stand up for humanity more instead of always just saying you couldn’t really argue with that Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible guy who always seems to be putting us down all the time.
-Jim
Dear Jim,
In the first place that isn’t a question. In the second place, have you ever tried to argue with somebody who is incomprehensible? It’s like kicking a dead Garflaxion. Only obviously not as fun.
-Spamrider
Dear Spamrider,
What is the best part of being a time traveler?
-Erin Messenger
Dear Erin Messenger,
Taco Tuesday whenever you want it!!!!!!!
-Spamrider
The Song In Bob’s Head