Category: Blog

“Bene vixit, bene qui latuit.” -René Descartes (quoting Ovid) Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible says that when nobody knows who the hell you are then you can be anybody you want. Which I suppose is especially beneficial when even you don’t know who the hell you are.

So I just recently got back from my extended vacation visiting my Giant friends who dwell deep beneath the earth in the south of France. I visited them in the 27th century this time because their caverns are a lot easier to access then.  Giants basically live like forever so they’re essentially the same bunch…

I am returned. And just so everybody knows, I accidentally hit “send” too early whenever I sent that note back to Bob’s pickles.  Eggs.  Whatever. And I only had one shot. What the note should have said is, “No column this week, it is time-bound imperative that you do not publish any portion of this…

In the words of another fictitional Time Traveller, “Fuck you, asshole!” No, no, no, that’s not it. It’s, “I’ll be back…”

I’ve been getting fairly regular visits from Schmelnoz over the past several weeks, but it gets confusing as hell because I never know if he’s coming from the Past or from the Future. Very often neither one of us will have any idea what the other is talking about. So mostly we just drink.

“I found myself involved in so many doubts and errors, that I was convinced I had advanced no farther in all my attempts at learning, than the discovery at every turn of my own ignorance.” -René Descartes, Discourse on the Method That right there is more than most people ever learn.

Schmelnoz the Incomprehensible at first could be described as bemused whenever he found out that us earthlings still refer to beings from other planets and star-systems as “aliens”. But when I told him that we also refer to our own kind from other countries as “aliens” his bemusement turned into shock and disgust. It isn’t…

I was just reading a news article where they used the expression “it’s like the icing on the cake”. Which got me to thinking. Who the hell eats cake with no icing??? The expression “the icing on the cake” as far as I know means something extra and unexpected in addition to something else which…

But since it’s a scientifically proven fact that 99.44% of the time no matter what you say or do you cannot create a time paradox situation whereby you change the Past or the Future which you may or may not have previously inhabited*, here goes… THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS GOING TO BE YOU KNOW…

That was the year the fascists suddenly won elections all over the earth.  When the liberals and moderates complained that the whole thing looked pretty fishy and needed to be investigated the fascists simply brushed them aside, reminding them about how they themselves had reacted with scorn and derision to the fascists’ own prior claims…